Reality bites...

The latest fad on TV is to be a part of a reality show. Yep, getting locked in a glass cube with the world watching every move you make is as real as this gets. Remember your cue to fame is either to fall in love with your co-star and suffer rejection, or make a racist comment about them. That’s your one way ticket to fame! Indian co-stars are the best to make racist comments against…after all they’re the brown skinned %$#*^$ (insert word of choice here) who took away your jobs…no?!

Indian television takes reality shows to a new high. Since the total number of channels here is equal to the square of the total number of languages, add with that the number of dialects multiplied by ten, there’s never a dearth of an audience for anything. Hell, even the snake on a tree in Cubbon park hogged half an hour of limelight on TV!

Then there are always parents who love to say their kids were on TV… I mean in TV… I mean a television program… Here’s a typical conversation…

Proud parent: Hey, you know what; my kids got real talent…
Me: Yeah? That’s good…
PP: Yeah, a lot of talent…. A bundle of talent…
Me: Oh… okie
PP: Yeah…she’s made us real proud…
Me: (At this point slightly disinterested) Oh…
PP: Yeah, she was on TV…
Me: Oh… did it break?
PP: Arre…don’t do jokes yaar… She was in a TV program…
Me: Yeah...that’s great.
PP: She was selected in the thiry fourth elimination round of ‘voice of the underdog’ for hurling racist abuse and throwing her co-star literally out of the window. He didn’t survive the fall though.
Me: What’s voice of the underdog???
PP: You haven’t heard of it... It’s a reality show!!
Me: So is “America’s most wanted” dumbass!!

And the sheer number of reality shows are mind boggling…Here’s a sampler…
1. Voice of _________ (Insert place of choice… Bahamas, Afghanistan, Congo…You name it!)
2. Star of _________ (Again, insert place of choice.)
3. ___________ Idol (Cuban Idol….Chinese Idol….Bangla idol??)
4. Rising star of ________ (Kazakhstan?)
5. The great ___________ talent hunt! (Bermuda??)
6. Freakshow number One!

Some are just singing shows while others feature full fledged Britneys Pears… For your complete entertainment. Time for some trivia…. Did you know ‘Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’ holds the record for the longest and most expensive reality show ever?!! As Scott Adams said….Who’d predict till American Idol came along that featuring bad singers would be a huge sensation?!?

And it seems that participants these days are always given extra credit for dramatization. Crying on TV is the best act that one can deliver. A list of emotions may be portrayed by that one single act of crying….
1. Damned judge! Screwed me over 2 notes! (Not currency my friends!)
2. If only I didn’t have a sore throat today I’d have made mashed potato out of my competitors!
3. Crappy audience…Didn’t vote for me because they never understood the pain of singing a B-flat note over 6 minutes!
4. Cheapo audience didn’t vote because it costs 3 bucks a SMS!
5. My imbecile three year old brother selected this song for me to sing at the finals!

If you’ve come this far and wondering what is the purpose of this post…. Nothing!
Thanks for letting me vent! :P

Go ahead… Honk!!